What Should be on American Money?

"For Sweden" (rallybeetle) 04/20/2016 at 14:11 • Filed to: Moneylopnik, Money, Bills, Dolla Dolla Bills Yall

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Because Americans are filthy republicans, they lack the face of a Divinely-Selected Monarch to grace their banknotes. As such, they have used anything from !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! to !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . But with !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! that abolitionist Harriet Tubman would replace federal-bank-opponent Andrew Jackson on the $20, Americans should prepare for further changes. Along with their utilitarian use for procuring car parts and tacos, banknotes serve as symbols of national pride and priorities. So, let’s consider what future changes should happen to the other bills.

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Robert Fulton: Engineer

Already a banknote alumnus, Mr. Fulton developed the first American steamboat and built the first practical submarine for Napoleon. Like cars, boats are neat and fun modes of transportation, and without Mr. Fulton, drinking beer on the lake would involve polo shirts and sailing-bros.

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Lee Iacocca: Car Designer

The mastermind of two icons of American Motoring, the Mustang and the K-Car, defined how American industry is viewed around the world. Furthermore, the most famous Mustang of all, the star of Bullitt , is already green.

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Florence Lawrence: Actress and Inventor

One of the first stars of silent film, Ms. Lawrence’s inclusion would fit the global trend of putting cultural figures onto banknotes. More importantly, she is credited for inventing the turn signal. Her on a banknote would be a subtle reminder for all German tourists and diplomats to drive safely while in the United States.

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Ed Welburn: Car Designer

Currently the Vice President of Global Design for General Motors, Mr. Welburn started his career at the firm in 1972. Furthermore, he served as the executive director of all body-on-frame projects at the General, and we love body-on-frame. His career spanned the Muscle Car era to the Malaise era to the president day, mirroring the ups and downs of American History. Furthermore, having a GM employee on banknotes would make Government Motors actually mean something.

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Third Generation Ford Taurus: Car

Featuring people on money creates problems. There are only a handful of banknotes but countless historical figures worthy of gracing them. The obvious solution is to replace people with cars, and the Third-Gernation Ford Taurus is an iconic American car that will make no one angry.

Chris_K_F drives an FR-Slow > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:10

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I say we put Urkel on all denominations.

And replace the word “dollar(s)“ with “Urkel(s)“

Because F’ it, man. This is America, and we can do it if we want to!

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Chris_K_F drives an FR-Slow 04/20/2016 at 14:14

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I was going to suggest Ernest P. Worrell, but Urkel works.

scoob > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:16

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Happy Third Generation Ford Taurus: Car is happy.

CB > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:17

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This, or a photo of the proud sovereign nation of Quebec.

Group B Enthusiast - Captain of the supercharged barge > Chris_K_F drives an FR-Slow 04/20/2016 at 14:19

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*nasally Urkel voice* “Did I buy thaaat?”

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:22

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Put me on it :D

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:22

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The $100 should have a giant fist flipping the ‘bird. Because Fuck You! That’s why.

The $5 should be a dick-butt.

PartyPooper2012 > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:23

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we ought to put the symbol of recent American ingenuity and creativity. Celebrate the juxtaposition of wisdom and stupidity it affords

Birddog > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:24

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Lee Iacocca was never a car designer. Just a really good promoter.

I think our money should only have depictions of Nuts. Walnut, Pistaschio, Cashew, Almond, you name it. But no Peanuts because they’re really legumes pretending to be Nuts.

TheHondaBro > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:27

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OBAMA!

duurtlang > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:28

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For Sweden > Birddog 04/20/2016 at 14:28

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All presidents are basically just promoters so that would work.

Chris_K_F drives an FR-Slow > Group B Enthusiast - Captain of the supercharged barge 04/20/2016 at 14:29

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I sometimes have this experience, minus the Urkel voice.

(Damn you, Amazon.)

For Sweden > TheHondaBro 04/20/2016 at 14:29

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Let’s see, he owned a Ford Escape Hybrid, so no.

For Sweden > duurtlang 04/20/2016 at 14:30

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America already has too much German influence.

TheHondaBro > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:30

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The the obvious answer is Tesla Model S.

Group B Enthusiast - Captain of the supercharged barge > Chris_K_F drives an FR-Slow 04/20/2016 at 14:34

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Happens every time I see my credit card statement... Urkel voice included. haha

EL_ULY > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:36

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AJ Foyt

Brian, The Life of > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:37

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That’s when he was running for Prez. Before that he had a Chrysler 300. With a “Hemi.”

BrtStlnd > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:38

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Ash78, voting early and often > duurtlang 04/20/2016 at 14:39

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Tastes like bread. Put picture on bread. Win.

Ash78, voting early and often > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 04/20/2016 at 14:39

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I know what you mean!

For Sweden > Brian, The Life of 04/20/2016 at 14:39

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We all make sacrifices to maintain a public persona

Ash78, voting early and often > Birddog 04/20/2016 at 14:40

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Yes, peanuts for the exact reason that it's going to be synonymous with our money soon.

Chris_K_F drives an FR-Slow > Group B Enthusiast - Captain of the supercharged barge 04/20/2016 at 14:44

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I do my best to not look at what I bought and just pay the amount I need to. haha

Master Cylinder > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 14:57

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Ha, if cash had Taurii on it, I might actually carry it.

iSureWilll > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 15:08

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“Money: Better Than Paying With Goats”

Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 15:28

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Caliber proportional to note denomination.

(I’m a bleeding heart liberal that enjoys guns, but isn’t too proud/whatever to acknowledge we’ve got a serious problem in this country).

For Sweden > Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever 04/20/2016 at 15:34

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She’s more into muzzleloaders but you do you

Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 15:50

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It should change weekly. The most American thing is to create massive controversy out of trifling matters and sell it to the public via a biased media. We may not even carry cash or look at it anymore, but we’re certainly going to fight about it. It’s the American way. So change it all the time. Anger as many stupid people as possible. That’s the theme. That’s the American way.

Brian Silvestro > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 15:59

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1st gen mustang

Frank Grimes > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 16:31

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What about bob lutz? Or Edison?

I think all the 10 billz should be changed to A-10 dolla bills with warthogs so everyone in the world knows we got gunz and crap.

Die-Trying > Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever 04/20/2016 at 18:51

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be aggravating, trying to figure out who is passing duds..........

415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 19:45

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Uh, eagles and stuff.

ranwhenparked > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 20:05

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Well, I would actually be OK with Elizabeth II on our money, but I’m a bit of an anomaly on the American political spectrum.

Iacocca I could get behind, though.

wafflesnfalafel > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 21:08

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nice -

I’m pleasantly surprised - she was a bad a$$, and amazingly successful at what she was doing.

wafflesnfalafel > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 21:09

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I thought he had that Chrysler 300? Though those older Escapes arn’t bad rigs with the base, updated, 2.5 motor...

Carbon Fiber Sasquatch > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 21:45

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Honestly, all the scientific achievements from our country should be featured. At least have the moon landing on a bill or famous inventors

For Sweden > Carbon Fiber Sasquatch 04/20/2016 at 21:54

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Oh because literary achievements don’t matter _

Carbon Fiber Sasquatch > For Sweden 04/20/2016 at 21:58

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Have you seen how we talk and write? Any achievements we've earned should be treated as individuals overcoming extreme obstacles.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > CB 04/21/2016 at 11:13

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When did they conquer Alaska?

CB > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 04/21/2016 at 11:13

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We’ve got plans, Dave. Big plans .

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > CB 04/21/2016 at 15:07

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